Read, Comprehend, Post.

This entry is a response to Al Melchior’s Blog on CBS Sports

I understand that Iso is essentially Slugging without the singles factored in, but to really compare power between players, wouldn’t it be more appropriate to consider the expected number of bases a batter gets every time he registers a hit? if you take SLG/BA, you get exactly that value. For instance, while Prince Fielder has .602 SLG, .299 AVG, and .303 ISO in 2009, when he steps up to the plate and registers a hit, he averages 2.01 bases per hit. With .462 SLG, .238 AVG, and only .224 ISO in 2009, David Ortiz would look to be a significantly less powerful hitter, but when he registers a hit, he also averages near 2 (1.94) bases per hit. All the other statistics would indicate that Ortiz is a much less powerful hitter than Fielder, but it’s skewed by the fact that Ortiz is simply unreliable to make a hit. When the two of them make good contact, Ortiz is almost as likely to send it for a double as Fielder.

Also, Iso doesn’t give any extra weighting for bigger hits than Slugging already does. If one wanted to truly measure a progression of power over time, wouldn’t it make sense to give greater weights to higher hits? In statistically weighting them, you can use the following formulas:

Hit Average Bases (HAB): (1x1B+4x2B+9x3B+16xHR)/Total Bases

Number Average Bases (NAB): (1x1B+2x2B+3x3B+4xHR)/Total Hits = SLG/BA

If someone hits, for instance, only doubles, those two values will be exactly the same, but a disparity arises when you start spreading out your hits.

One could draw a similar comparison between these averages by using it to determine the per capita income of a state (total income / total population) which could determine which state has the most money, or a weighted average ((income level)^2 x number of people at income level / total income), which could determine which state has the most filthy rich people.

I’ll take Fielder and Ortiz once again as an example. We have already established that the two have similar Number Average Bases, but if you calculate the values from 2009, this is what comes out: Fielder has a HAB of 2.798 while Ortiz has a HAB of 2.648. While Fielder has a lot of singles that weigh down his NAB, you can tell that he is filthy rich in hits larger than 2B, resulting in his larger HAB value than Ortiz.

Now let’s use this to discriminate between hitters with similar SLG, ISO, and numbers of homers; I’ll take the example of Victor Martinez, Bengie Molina and Brian McCann from Melchior: He argues that McCann is the most powerful due to a higher Isolated power statistic, with Martinez and Molina suspiciously close to one another.

McCann: NAB = 1.730, HAB = 2.384 Martinez: NAB = 1.584, HAB = 2.234 Molina: NAB = 1.668, HAB = 2.327

While this analysis concurs that McCann is a more powerful hitter than Martinez or Molina, there is a noticeable discrepancy. Martinez appears to be much less powerful than either of the other two, with Molina suspiciously close to McCann despite his lackluster batting average and slugging. Given similar numbers of hits, one could expect McCann and Molina to produce comparably in multiple base hits, which is what was seen in 2009.

While I can agree with Melchior that Iso will give you a nice quick clue into whether a hitter is developing power beyond the singles level, which might give you a heads up as to where they are headed, it is necessary to take a few more things into account when monitoring those players for further progression into home run kings.

My friend Aaron just convinced a friend and me to start playing Fantasy Baseball with him. His reasoning: “I started watching and appreciating a lot more football when I started playing fantasy, maybe they’ll do the same for baseball.”

Wrong. Now don’t misunderstand me, I don’t mind going to a ballgame in person from time to time, but it ranks up there with golf and NASCAR as far as the most boring shit on TV. As a result, I am opting to treat my fantasy baseball experience as an exercise in statistics, and watch just about as much baseball on TV as I normally do: 0.

Some of you may say I’m going to miss out on the intangibles of my players that will give me a competitive edge. However, there seems to be an entire field of thinking that all baseball achievement can be quantized. If it isn’t a stat, it’s not just an intangible, it’s nonexistent.

With the knowledge that all my men are nothing more than glorified Pokemon trading cards with variable attributes, management is easier in many aspects. I no longer have to worry about foolishly holding onto a player I like. If he is trending poorly, you cut his ass. Also, subbing out a high pick starter because his matchup is terrible is a non-issue. Don’t sit your studs isn’t a problem if you don’t perceive anyone as a stud.

Although it simplified gut/brain choices, I find myself spending a lot more time looking at matchups in depth. All the time I originally spent worrying in fantasy football about my gut feeling is now spent sorting through mounds of statistical data. When players are reduced to mere numbers, it becomes a hunt for maximum efficiency.

Playing fantasy baseball has given me a stronger appreciation for people who have to make tough strategic decisions with personal implications. Dropping Dallas Braden isn’t going to cause him to lose his job, but I can now imagine how tough it would be for a GM to sub out one of his players on a bad day, or a general to put people on the line because of a statistical advantage.

Take the helm, Prince Fielder, and command my baseball army to playoff victory!

Many people like to think they’ve seen some unique and weird things during their lives, but I have had the pleasure of experiencing one of the strangest things to happen in recorded history. And you, fine readers, will reap the benefits of all that I came away with from said incident.

Back when I was in college, we were able to get pretty famous speakers like Bill Clinton, Ralph Nader, and Tim Robbins. I went to some and skipped many others, but when I heard that David Lynch was coming to speak, I had to go. I may not have liked some of his movies, but an insight into the mind of one of the most intriguing filmmakers of our time could not be missed. Be careful what you wish for.

The presentation began with a quick introduction, and instead of having a prepared speech, Lynch immediately opened it up to the “audience” for questions. Who would set the tone of the visit now? Would they ask about his directorial style from the standpoint of managing his actors? Would it be a question about the symbolism in Mulholland Drive? There were so many good questions to be asked.

“I know that you practice transcendental meditation, could you tell us about why it is important and how it has changed your life?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? You have a controversial figure in film, and you wanted to ask him about his offbeat religious choices? It was not until Lynch had a thoroughly prepared discussion of transcendental meditation that I realized our “audience member” was actually a plant designed to make our question session into a mouthpiece for meditation.

The entire proceeding was too ridiculous to recount in full, but I am certainly glad that I was attending the simulcast in the bottom of the building, because everyone in the auditorium had to maintain a straight face while the groundlings underneath were rolling in the aisles. It was also apparent that there were a few plants in the audience, because many of us received looks of contempt from people who were clearly not students as we laughed, more due to our palpable discomfort at the situation than actual humor content. But as strange as Lynch’s message was, I managed to find my own truth within the oddity.

Lynch suggested that if only 10% of the world got together and meditated using their transcendental method, world peace could be acheived. Being a cynic at heart, I was initially suspicious that a 1/10 participation in anything could reap substantial benefits. It was not until later that I realized that the message was right, but the method was wrong.

In my opinion, there is no food better than an excellently prepared rack of barbecued pork ribs. While enjoying them, there is seemingly nothing else in the world except man and rib. Some say that this could be equated to one of the exercises in Buddhist meditation where one is forced to focus on an object such that the line between subject and object blurs, and the two become one. Bearing this in mind, I have decided that my rib-eating experience should be shared with the world.

For vegetarians and any religious sect that prohibits the consumption of pork, rest assured that I have scientists working on acceptable facsimiles of pork ribs. Their progress thusfar has only yielded the McRib sandwich, and the isotopes needed for that concoction are unstable, resulting in an unreliable supply. Once the technology is perfected, however, we can achieve a similar goal to that of David Lynch.

It is my belief that if only 10% of the world simultaneously eats a half rack of expertly-cooked ribs (or rib subtitute), we will be able to achieve world peace. That 10% will all feel oneness with their ribs, and in turn, with each other. As they complete their meals, they will know that there are billions of people also trying to remove rib meat from their teeth at the very same time. They will tell all of their friends about the experience and let others know about an entirely different plane of reality, and all will quickly be united by slow-roasted pork/pork-like product.

So cook up a batch today and start the movement!

Another year is rolling around, and with the onset of the schoolyear, there is only one thing that can cure the malaise that falls over graduate students when undergrads arrive and overcrowd the once pristine halls of their respective universities: NFL football.

Perhaps it’s the fact that I was around when the Panthers became a team, combined with the lack of MLB team and the treachery of the Hornets (and ensuing punishment for trying to relocate to New Orleans with a brief stayover in scenic Oklahoma City), but only three sports have ever really held my attention. NCAA Basketball, professional soccer (not MLS, I’m talking about good teams) and the NFL all hold a special place in my heart.

With the lack of European soccer coverage aside from world cup (or an expensive cable plan), it is quickly removed from regular watching status. NCAA basketball has an erratic schedule and constant switching of networks for important games, and I’m lucky if I catch more than 5 games of the regular season. On the other hand, anyone who knows what days to show up to work can accurately predict when he or she can watch football. Also, the two months preceding and one month following the full NFL season comes with near saturation of football coverage, giving us all we never needed to know about the NFL, such as how many times our favorite player has defecated in the last week, and what that will spell for him on the field. It’s fantastic.

And, like all professional sports, the fantasy community has both enriched and ruined the entire “team fan” mentality. For some, this means rooting for teams they otherwise hate because of a player on that team that they own. For others it takes the form of a little rule like the one I make for myself: I never own Carolina Panthers, because my overriding desire to see individuals on the team to do well puts my logic in the backseat. I recognize my foolish Homer pride and take steps to avoid it. And when it comes to fantasy, I would much rather see my home team win on any given week than my fantasy team. It just so happens that the two often coincide.

This brings me to another aspect of football that is heavy in all sports: betting. One of my high school teachers gave me the best advice if you’re planning on betting on sports: always bet against your favorite team. After all, wouldn’t you gladly pay $20 to see your team win week after week? Although this teacher also advised us to aim low because you’ll always overachieve, he at least had a point with this one.

Like the last story, football can teach us so many things outside of the sport. Before Michael Vick, how many of us truly knew how morally repugnant dogfighting is? Not many, I bet. And don’t even get me started on gun regulations. Before Tank Johnson, Marvin Harrison, and Plaxico Burress, I think many of us understood it as commonplace to walk around town with an unregistered pistol tucked in our pants, mere inches from our reproductive organs.

Football, you have given me so much, and I can only hope to repay you in the upcoming season with the attention you so greatly deserve.

Now, some of you may not know about this, but almost all organisms are reliant on the sun to take cues for important regulatory processes. We all know abuot phototaxis: although the word may be unfamiliar, most people have seen videos of a field of sunflowers constantly facing the sun and moving during the day. In other organisms, cues from the sun have more subtle but equally important effect. For instance, without cues from the sun as to the time of day, lab studies have shown that people cannot maintain a sleep cycle that corresponds to a 24 hour day, and comes with a number of other health problems. It is not unreasonable to say that most creatures big and small are influenced in some way by the sun.

This brings us to our subject of interest, the common house Mogwai, as depicted in the films Gremlins and Gremlins 2. This creature is a strange case, as I will discuss later. Although it is allergic to sunlight and presumably never sees the light of day in any significant amount, daylight cycles dictate its entire existence. Not only that, but I will show you that its circadian rhythm is somewhat staccatoed compared to every other organism on Earth.

If any of you have ever owned a Mogwai, you would know about the three basic rules in caring for this creature. Never get a Mogwai wet (We will not be discussing the biology of this particular phenomenon, but maybe a later installment will cover ridiculous premises such as this and the film Signs in a later installment). Never expose a Mogwai to sunlight. Never feed a Mogwai after midnight. These three rules make up the entirety of your pet care guide when it comes to Mogwai ownership. No reference is made as to how to dispose of its excrement, what types of food it prefers, whether it is prone to any particular types of infestations or other medical maladies, or even how to breed them. But we shall also ignore these, as caring for a Mogwai is not of particular interest if we want to study circadian rhythms.

This second rule, that Mogwai cannot be exposed to sunlight, is a very strange one. Generally speaking, animals that are not exposed to sunlight cannot be subject to cues that come from the sun. The sun, however, can induce effects that do not require a creature to directly be influenced by the rays of the sun. For instance, the lack of sun at night can cause the temperature to drop in areas, leading to a decrease in the humidity and the formation of dew. This causes nightcrawlers and other worms to come out of the soil to avoid drowning. Nightcrawlers never see the light of day for the most part, but they are still aware of night due to this pathway that leads to an increase in moisture. However, for a Mogwai that is kept in a household all day long in a cage, the environment is not nearly as subject to the whims of solar activity. It is strange then, that a creature who has no direct input from the sun must follow the rule of never being fed after midnight, for the Mogwai body should have no idea when midnight really is. What is even more perplexing, is the clear quantization of time in the Mogwai body.

It is obvious to most people that time zones are social constructs that carry no particular significance near zone crossings. The sun rises in the far western side of the eastern time zone within seconds of the sunrise in the far east of the central time zone, yet they are a full hour apart. It would be unusual then, that if you took 2 Mogwais living on either end of that line, that one would be forced to stop eating a full hour before the other, simply due to a time constraint placed on them based on an arbitrary demarcation. However, this seems to be the case with Mogwai, as the rule is very strict with regards to midnight. I believe that it is of utmost importance that we study this strange type of circadian rhythm in the hopes that we can find some sort of “timer” gene that actually hones the body’s natural system based on any arbitrary time designation that we decide. The possibilities could be endless! Cats that could be set so that they don’t run around the house madly while you are sleeping, Flowers that can bloom on cue just as you are giving them to someone. The field of Mogwai genetics may be filled with possible pitfalls and lots of arduous effort ahead, but hopefully palpable results can be seen within our lifetime.

After some conversations with friends, I think we have come up with an accurate mapping of current religious beliefs onto popular science fiction franchises.

Star Trek: The Original Series - Judaism
Much like the Old Testament, TOS was all over the place with regards to thematic aspects, but were really bound together by a single entity. Much like the God of the old testament, Captain James Tiberius Kirk (in Latin, Jim-hovah begins with an I) spends a lot of time kicking the asses of people who didn’t believe in him. In fact, one could argue that Kirk did a better job. The God of the old testament may have created the world in only six days, but Kirk created an entire trek universe in just three seasons.

Star Trek: The Next Generation - Buddhism
In stark contrast to the original series, TNG took a much more cerebral approach. Instead of blindly kicking the ass of all enemies that are encountered, the crew of the Enterprise valued understanding, tolerance, and coexistence over all. In a Federation in more of a peacetime stance, enlightenment was more valued than simple survival. The Q continuum could even symbolize the state of true enlightenment, where all material concerns are completely unimportant. Also, Picard is bald.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - Islam
Now, I don’t know a whole lot about DS9 or Islam, but I do know that Benjamin Sisko ends up becoming an Emissary to the Bajoran religion’s Prophets, and some of the aspects of that religion has a lot of law with regards to the purity / cleanliness of the soul. If anyone else has something to add here, let me know and I can edit. But as I see it, Sisko is pretty much the Bajoran Mohammad.

Star Trek: Voyager - Christianity
Realizing the popularity of the original series, A spiritual successor with some alterations for modern audiences was necessary. By some sort of miraculous event, the USS Voyager is brought without technologies into the Delta quadrant, an immaculate region for the Federation. Trying to take the best of the original series while still trying to retain some modicum of understanding and tolerance towards new races, Voyager represents a re-envisioning of the original series with a few twists.

Enterprise - Mormonism
You remember that ship you loved so much, the Enterprise? Well it turns out that there were even wackier adventures that you never even heard about! I have not watched any episodes of Enterprise, but the concept that there is an iconic persona that returns in a completely different location definitely rings true.

Battlestar Galactica - Hinduism
Obviously the existence of Cylon reincarnation rings strongly of Hinduism. Although Cylon resurrection does not come with any changes in form based on how they lived their life, death and rebirth serves as an educational tool. Also, for some reason, the producers decided to include a lot of music that has a distinct South Asian vibe.

Star Wars - Scientology
Much like the Thetans, Mitichlorians exist as entities bound to people that affect their lives in crucial ways. In an effort to destroy these Mitichlorians, Lord Xenu Vader and Emperor Palpatine decide to start testing out technology to freeze the creatures along with their hosts in carbonite. The first test with Han Solo was greatly successful, but the entity with the most of these thetan-like creatures, Luke Skywalker, managed to escape the process. To finally rid the universe of these entities, Vader has a Death Star constructed, capable of vaporizing entire planets and the mitichlorians contained on those planets (maybe an overkill compared to DC-10s and Nukes, but it never hurts to be thorough.)

Clearly this was intended as a project in entertainment, and was not meant to ridicule any religions. Believe what you want, I’ll keep on praying for strength from Crom. Hopefully Obama has found somewhere in DC to start his services too.

This post will be short and to the point, the mojito is a perfect summer mixed drink (I don’t say cocktail because cocktail implies bitters, but whatevs) It is cool, refreshing, and generally awesome.

Here is my sugar-free recipe that rocks the house

2 sprigs fresh mint
7 packets splenda
3-4 oz rum (use your discretion)
Club Soda
Lime Juice (from green squeezy lime)
LOTS of crushed ice

Take all the leaves off the mint sprigs, and put them in the rum. There are 2 ways to get the mint oils and such out.
1) Muddle the leaves and strain
2) Leave the leaves and rum in the fridge for about 20 minutes, strain and squeeze the leaves, then leave in for another 20 minutes and repeat. Remove the leaves entirely on the second squeezing

Now you are ready to finish the process. Add the 7 packets of splenda to the rum, then take the lime juice and squeeze it for about 5 seconds into the mixture (I don’t know volume on this one, you’ll have to play it by ear) stir this up, and now you have your mojito mix.

Take 2 16 oz glasses and fill them completely with crushed ice (normal ice will do but crushed is better). Pour half of the mixture into each glass, and top with club soda. If you want to look fancy, add a mint tip to the top. Otherwise, enjoy!

In this case, the classic I am referring to is not the Star Trek franchise (there will be a post about that later to come). I am referring to the favorite drink of people who like to start drinking at noon: The Bloody Mary. Those who have less than exacting standards of nutrition can count this one in the “vegetables” section of the food pyramid, on account of all the tomato juice present. And where there’s tomatoes, there are Italians. So I present to you a slight variant on the classic Bloody Mary:

The Bloody Marinara
2 oz vodka
1 sprig fresh basil
Bloody Mary Mix (make as desired based on recipe or out of pre-made bottles)
Texas Pete Hot Sauce

1) Take the top of the fresh basil off for garnishing later. Place the large leaves in the refigerator with the vodka for 15-30 minutes
2) Squeeze all vodka out of the leaves into the glass containing the vodka.
3) Add a few dashes of Texas Pete Hot Sauce (you’ll figure out how much is enough based on your own experience)
4) Add about 1 portion of vodka / hotsauce for 2 portions of Bloody Mary Mix
5) Stir, garnish with basil, and enjoy

Now all you need is some cooked pasta to go in it, and you’ve got yourself a square meal!

Since the Kentucky Derby is today and summer is fast approaching, I thought I would give all 2 of you a recipe for an excellent drink: The Mint Julep.

I just made myself one last night, and used a slightly different recipe than The Official One but that was because I had no bourbon.

In short, you need to make yourself a mint flavored simple syrup, and combine it 1 part to 2 parts bourbon in a glass with crushed ice.

Here’s how I made mine:
Fill a tumbler with cubed ice
Put 2 oz of water into a cup
Mix with 4 packets of Splenda sweetener
Add the leaves off 1 sprig of fresh mint
Muddle the mixture
Fill the tumbler 2/3 full with rye whiskey
Add the mint mixture to the top of the tumbler slowly

Drink this through a straw. At first, your drink will be whiskey-ey, but will slowly become more sweet and minty

Despite the fact that the economic hard times are affecting us all, and we may all die soon from swine flu, Jason Statham and company have proven to us that decadence and taking it over the top are long from being part of our past. I will try to avoid spoilering this magnum opus from Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, but suffice to say Crank: High Voltage distills the spirit of action movies and brings the genre to a brand new level. It may be safe to retire action as a genre, since it has clearly reached the pinnacle of its form.

Now, into some of the specifics: I found that one of the reasons that I liked this movie so much, just like the original Crank, is because it cuts all the bullshit out of action movies. That isn’t to say that it doesn’t have a complicated plotline with character motivations, but all the characters seem to have single-minded pursuits during the entire film (as indexed by Chev Chelios’ [Statham] desire to hunt down the men who stole his heart). In the intervening time, there is no slowdown or pause for breath. Despite this fact, the plot gains a number of twists and turns, all of which are ridiculous. Thankfully, it is established that almost anything is possible in this strange universe. Although you would never necessarily recognize it while it is happening, a rich tapestry is woven between all of the characters, and backstory that is implied shows up during the course of the film (albeit incredibly contrived).

In short, Crank 2 was awesome.

I will begin this by letting you know that further information can be found here: voynich.nu

I don’t know all of the details, as I was put onto the trail by a friend of mine who is a history major, but it comes down to this: The Voynich Manuscript is this really old document that is written in a language that is completely indecipherable. The entropy of the language used is incredibly high, much more than any known language. That is, to say, there are no well-established patterns in the characters to accurately predict the next letter. This is an oddity, considering most languages have a significant amount of predictability in them, for the sake of being able to transmit the needed information even if part of the message is lost. Now you may say that this is some sort of elaborate hoax, but here’s the really weird part: the inking of the pen indicates that the person who wrote it was fluent in whatever this language was. There was no sign of hesitation or indications that it was transcribed in any way. The entire thing seems to flow from the mind of the writer onto the page. It also contains drawings of plants that don’t exist, and constellations that are not known.

Now, theorizing on the origin of this strange document, one could put a tinfoil hat on and suppose that it is a document written by someone or something that lived on another planet (hence the strange constellations, foreign plants, and indecipherable language). Maybe one of you is holding the secret, or maybe our reptilian overlords are the only ones who will truly ever know.